101 Relationship Myths –
How To Stop Them From Sabotaging Your Happiness
Author: Tim Ray
Findhorn Press
2010
ISBN #978-1-84409-584-1
Life is filled with myths … the area of relationship is one area where they abound! In this book Tim Ray attempts to explode those myths, and offer tools that empower an individual to take responsibility for, and control of, their own life. One thing that we need to remember is that myths come from our collective unconscious … they apply to all of us.
In his prologue, Ray presents us with a tongue in cheek setting where relationships are the doing of the Devil himself. He has the Devil presenting the following lies about relationship: (1) The love I seek is outside of me. (2) The love I seek is dependent on another person. (3) I can only experience the love that I seek with one special person. (4) It’s only true love if the relationship lasts forever. This set the tone for the book … a tone that continued to be a bit over the edge. This was topped off at the end of the book where Ray does a take-off on “My Way”, by Frank Sinatra. The Devil is addressing Sinatra as “Frankie”, and referring to him as his most successful “ambassador” for telling lies about relationships. “Frankie” then gets the job of informing the Devil that God has sent the Archangel of Sanity to the earth. The content presented in this book is real and viable … the manner in which it is presented, not so much so.
In his introduction, Ray lists four observations: (1) There is a difference between reality and your thinking. (2) There is a cause and effect relationship between your thinking and your experience. Thought is cause, experience is effect. (3) When your thoughts are out of harmony with reality, you experience discomfort, stress, and unhappiness. (4) You can end your discomfort, stress, and unhappiness (and experience more happiness and peace) by bringing your thinking into harmony with your reality.
In Part One (101 Relationship Myths) we see a series of short (1 – 3 page) observations on myths, such as “Stay away from women in their 30’s”, “Are women to blame for all the porn?”. “Your partner isn’t a mind reader.”, “You’re selfish if you don’t do what I want.”, “Does strong sexual attraction mean you are a good match?”, and “Club “Shouldsville”, the hottest club in town.” At the end of each section is a short list of relationship myths pertaining to that section.
In Part Two (How To Stop Them From Sabotaging Your Happiness) Ray addresses myth busting, expectations versus reality, introduces the work of Byron Katie, talks about being in silence together, presents three ways to cultivate love in your life (and relationship), and lists ten observations about the nature of relationship.
In his epilogue (Before & After), Ray lists how an individual might have felt about themselves before and after reading this book. Essentially, the thoughts are the same, but in the before version they were difficult to accept, while in the after version the individual was accepting and happy. He also lists a compendium of the techniques that he has presented throughout the book, such as fogging and negative inquiry.
As irritated as I was with the presentation style, I appreciated the techniques that Ray offered, and the references to two of my favorite authors – Barbara Berger and Byron Katie.
The tagline for this book might be “Happiness is our responsibility, and comes from within us.” There is truth here, and this is what we need to take away from this material. Keep an open mind, and an open heart, while reading this book. It may get on your last nerve, as it did mine, but I was able to honor the content, while letting go of the presentation style. Truth comes from the perception of each individual.
© 2000 – 2013 Bonnie Cehovet
Reproduction prohibited in all venues without the written permission of the author
Bonnie Cehovet 